All over America, people’s interest in the “who’s dead and who’s alive?” game will be renewed. Great debates will ensue about which cast members of Hee Haw are meaningful enough to be included. Lulu, yes, but Barbi Benton? Younger people will respond to the game with renewed disinterest. Meanwhile on the TV show dead pools, all of the major wagering will shift toward the Mary Tyler Moore Show, which has several major cast members approaching triple digits.
Todd will join Barry Gibb, the last Bee Gee, on the strangest nostalgia tour since Axl Rose fronted AC/DC. Their version of the Diff’rent Strokes theme song will spark a new dance craze at spring wedding receptions. When Gibb dies, Bridges will begin hosting Celebrity Survivor, in which minor celebrities compete to outlive him.
Now that another show can’t be re-booted, TV producers will put an ad out for a new idea. Just kidding. Instead, two new versions of Saved by the Bell will be developed.
A rivalry will ensue between Bridges and Ron Howard, the last remaining major cast member of The Andy Griffith Show. The two will taunt each other on social media. Ron Howard will say things like “my movies make me immortal” and “I’ve never been in jail, Bridges.” Todd Bridges will say things like “you’ll never be the last survivor of Happy Days,” “what’s an Opie anyway?” and “Anson Williams Rules.”
Emmanuel Lewis will still have to explain to everyone that he wasn’t the short kid on Diff’rent Strokes.
MaryAnn and Ginger will be watching the news every day, waiting to find out when one of them will be the last from Gilligan’s Island. Mary Ann will know that if she outlives Ginger, she can raise her fees at Comfort Inn reception room conventions by twenty percent. Soon after thinking this, she will feel guilty and remorseful for ever wishing any harm on Ginger, and reach out to her. The two will develop a strong relationship, each telling the other that they were the prettiest on the show. Then they sell all of their belongings, buy a T-bird convertible, and drive over a cliff holding hands.
Abe Vigoda will remain dead–but people will continue to wonder if it’s true. And, yes, Anson Williams rules!