New

  • My Wife as Ant Man

    With an entire universe of hyphenated heroes to choose from, my wife declared the other day that she wants to be Ant-Man.  I believe her desire was not based in the man part, but the ant part.  Perhaps she wants to be Ant-Woman or Ant-Person, but definitely not the Wasp.  Who wants to be a

Most Important Thing in the World

  • Pixilated Jerry Springer

    It was announced this week that the Jerry Springer Show has been discontinued.  Jerry will have to chant his name to himself on a beach somewhere.  Maybe he’ll walk up to strangers with a Mr. Microphone and ask them to introduce his “final thoughts.”  And they will really be his last words.  Who knows what

Ugly Stories

  • Two days in September, 2006. Refrigerator Secrets John asked last Thursday if I wanted to store my leftover Chinese in his work refrigerator.  He had his own, since he didn’t like his food in close proximity to that of others.  Also, he didn’t trust people wouldn’t steal it.  “If I put it there to tempt

News that Matters

  • We love the city “clean-up” day when the residents of our small town heave their unwanted items out to the curb, supposedly for pick-up by the trash company the following week.  In reality, it becomes pickers paradise and a redistribution of waste.  Rusty trucks drive slowly through the streets looking for scrap metal.  They pile

Herbite Church Bulliten

  • Herb told me once that he wanted all descriptions of him to include references to the season and weather of the day being recounted.  “I’m part of my environment,” he said.  “I want to be a line in a haiku–not the elementary school exercise of counting syllables, but the real deal.”  By “real deal” I

Timmy’s Ugly Culture

  • I got a package in the mail from the VFW.  It was a fund raising letter and a “free gift.”  I get lots of fund raising letters.  Pulling on heartstrings used to be the preferred approach to asking for donations.  Guilt has been as effective for charities as fear has been for insurance agents over

Unsolicited Advice

  • stink bug in glass 1

    If we believe in anything at uglY cOUsin, we believe in two things:  1) always be a good host, and 2) people named Jimmy are always good guests.  We’ve never met a Jimmy we didn’t like.  This weekend, at the ugly house, as we continued the longstanding Midwestern tradition of porch sitting, we failed as